Published on Nov. 20, 2019
Why Some Women Experience a Higher Sex Drive in Their 40s
After my 41st birthday, I began to notice a change in myself. I had more energy and felt lighter and happier, but something else was brewing: my libido was suddenly awake again.
While I have always enjoyed sex, intimacy, and being a bit naughty, I realized that part of me had mellowed out in my early to mid-30s.
Maybe it was having three kids in three years that stalled my libido, and my body was telling me to shut it down and focus on the family I already had. Perhaps it knew I could be an average mom to three, but if there was one more thrown into the mix, it wouldn't be the best thing for my body or my mind.
As I started talking to friends around my age, I learned I wasn’t alone.
Many Women Notice a Libido Boost in Their 40s
After asking a few of my 40-year-old friends if they felt this way, I almost got attacked they were so excited.
I was met with: "Oh my God, yes!" or "Things are getting really hot now."
A common thread among all of us is that we have children in the tween or teen years. Our kids are more independent, which often leaves us with more energy and time for ourselves.
Women with older children are also less likely to be touched, pulled on, or needed every minute of the day. As a result, they may be able to invest more time in self-care, which can contribute to overall happiness and well-being.
While these lifestyle changes make sense, I couldn't help but wonder if something else was happening too. Could hormones be playing a role?
Do Hormones Affect Sex Drive During Your 40s?
According to Tiffany Alyse Yelverton, sexologist and founder of Sexy Survivors, hormones can have a significant impact on libido during this stage of life.
The Role of Perimenopause
"As perimenopause begins, our hormone levels dip and spike at different times. Estrogen begins to drop, and if testosterone is steady, then it is as if testosterone gets a boost,” Yelverton says. “Also, during the 40s, there are times where the body is producing top levels of progesterone and testosterone to give one more push for procreating."
Hormonal fluctuations during perimenopause can create noticeable physical and emotional changes. For some women, these shifts may contribute to an increase in sexual desire.
Why Libido Isn't Only About Hormones
Dr. John Robinson and Dr. Cristina Bosch of The Hormone Zone agree that hormones play a role, but they emphasize that they don't tell the whole story.
"As women approach their 40s, they may experience a sense of liberation towards themselves and their partner, heightening their sexual libido and response,” they explain. “As women age, they begin to look at sex as a way towards their own personal liberation and self-expression — as it should be. But again, this is not always the case, and we tend to deal with many women who have difficulty in the idea of taking care of themselves and opening up to their own sense of personal sexuality."
Confidence and Self-Expression May Increase With Age
While hormones can influence sexual desire, emotional and psychological factors are equally important.
Many women report feeling:
- More confident in their bodies
- Less concerned about outside expectations
- More comfortable communicating their needs
- More interested in personal fulfillment and self-expression
Robinson and Bosch note that women who have naturally had a high libido throughout their lives may experience little to no change, regardless of hormone fluctuations.
Every woman's experience is unique.
When Hormone Therapy May Help
For some women, changing hormone levels can have the opposite effect and reduce sexual desire.
If you find yourself wondering whether you'll ever feel interested in sex again, hormone replacement therapy may be worth discussing with your healthcare provider.
Robinson and Bosch say that hormone replacement therapy, when done in a comprehensive and optimal fashion, “can literally change a woman’s life, enhancing her sexuality, sense of self and her connection to her loved ones and partner."
Not All Experts Believe Hormones Are the Main Cause
Not everyone agrees that a rising libido in your 40s is directly tied to hormonal changes.
A Different Perspective on Increased Sex Drive
“Some women do experience an increased libido in their 40s, but typically none of this can be related to a hormonal change of anything going on in the body, as there are no studies linked to this,” Dr. Jane L. Frederick, a reproductive endocrinologist at Saddleback Medical Center in Laguna Hills, California, tells SheKnows.
Instead, Frederick points to social and emotional factors.
“As a woman ages, she may become more comfortable with sexuality, or in some cases if she has not conceived a child, there may be an increased desire to procreate, thus creating an increase in her sex drive,” Frederick adds.
Lifestyle Changes Can Create More Space for Intimacy
Frederick’s perspective highlights something many women can relate to: life often becomes less demanding in certain ways as we get older.
A few factors that may contribute to a more active sex life include:
- Greater confidence and self-acceptance
- More relationship experience
- Less anxiety around pregnancy due to vasectomy or long-term birth control
- Increased freedom and spontaneity
- Children becoming more independent
- More personal time and energy
When kids are no longer climbing into bed every night or requiring constant attention during the day, many couples find they have more opportunities to focus on each other.
Embracing a Fulfilling Sex Life at Any Age
Whether the reason is hormonal, emotional, social, or a combination of all three, many women find that their 40s bring a renewed appreciation for intimacy and connection.
The reality is that sexuality doesn't have an expiration date. In fact, for some women, getting older can open the door to greater confidence, freedom, and fulfillment.
Regardless of the cause, having a satisfying sex life can be just one of the many things to look forward to as you age.
